Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Sometimes, I feel like this...

me: you know, if we step back, out lives are pretty sad...

friend: well, honestly, it is kinda sad, but look at the bright side, we had out fair share of experience and fun

me: true, but then i kinda regreat the "fun" i've had

friend: i just hope that we get our second, third or fourth or fifth chance. I sometimes wished that I have a family, wife and kids.

me: me too, things would be so different, somebody to share life with

friend: yeah...



me: will you settle for a girl less than perfect?

friend: i would, but I don't think I would give up all my habits only for the prefect one, I will quit all not-so-good habits. the regrets i go through, on the mistakes I made, just made me feel like committing suicide sometimes...



friend: i guess on normal days, I'm ok. just when I recall certain things, then it starts to hit me again. But that's for a short while. Only sometimes, the pain prolongs, and that's when the depression starts..

me: i know exactly what you mean, I get this pain on the left of my chest, just below the heart, or just above the stomach...

-----

Sometimes, you don't know what it feels like until you look back and realize you've gambled everything away.. life, love, happiness.... just to see the flop one more time....

Maybe deep down, we all feel like that sometimes...

We just need to beat the pain, take it to the top...

-----

E-type - True Believer (Jorg Schmid remix)

E-type - True Believer (Styles and Breeze remix)


Give me, Give me everything you got!
You and I can take it to the top

Like the superheroes we can save the day
Let the music take us somewhere far away

Because of you (cause of yoooou)
That's what I do (what I do)

Come on, Come on
Because of you
(I'm a true believer)


Friday, December 24, 2010

Reload

The Christmas/New Year "break" gives most of us a chance to catch our breaths. However, with ongoing classes, presentations due and even an exam on 30th December, I've been catching my breath at the expense of my studies.

I've come to realize that

1. MBA students love to gossip - at any opportunity, they will gossip about anything. From who your father is, to who you're dating. But that should be a given, since the community is really very small. 120 students - two classes of 60 each, there are bound to be people who want to gossip.

2. Not everybody is a douche bag - however, those that are douche bags tend to identify themselves quickly and soon, everybody knows about it. I guess the lesson is, if you fuck up, everybody else will know about it. So try and be a nice person.

3. Class marks are very subjective. I've seen two people work on the same project, but yet, get different marks from the lecturer. Same people, same results, different report, different results. People who participate in class getting lower marks for class participation than those that don't participate. Strange things have happened. I'm tempted to see how many politically incorrect things I can say in class, mainly because I know while I'm not interested in getting the best marks, I won't fail the class because of class participation.

-----

The Speed Freak - Days of Anger (DJ Sharpnel Remix)

Sorry, I've no idea what they say, but it's a pretty nice song :)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Bored

Maybe it's just me, but I've been feeling bored at the program. Surprisingly with the exams, presentations and my own projects - including poker, I've found a way to actually get bored at here, in one of the most populated cities in the world.

I've been thinking about summer internships, and was wondering which organization and/or industry would allow me to combine my need to

i) create something new (as I have a short attention span)
ii) have a sense of achievement (I'm narcissistic)
iii) indulge in my risk taking (I have little sense)

Suggestions have been to go into sales. Which is pretty ok with me, considering how much I despised sales when I first started work. I've grown to like it quite a lot and have learnt that it doesn't always involve cold calling to sell credit cards.

But the question is, which company? which industry? And why am I doing an MBA if all I'm going to do is .. .sales... maybe at a more senior level I hope :)

----

You must believe the fairytales I tell you
Love your princes, find your way
Do you guess it if you do?
My fairytales will help you through

You must believe the fairytales I tell you
Fight your dragon, find your way
Do you guess it? Yes it's true
My fairytales will always help you through

2 Brothers on the Dancefloor - Fairytales (No Velocity Happy Hardcore Edit)

Such a classic...

Saturday, December 4, 2010

What the MBA has taught me (academically)

Things the MBA has taught me that I didn't really know, or couldn't learn from books.

n o t h i n g.... oh wait, except Managerial Thinking (which I liked)


Maybe it's because it's core semester, but there's nothing really fantastic to learn. Let's go through the courses together...

1. Accounting - ok, yeah, good to know the basic understanding of what's going on. But nothing you wouldn't be able to learn from picking up a book or working in finance. If I wish they taught anything, it would be that they had spent a lot more time on dissecting balance sheets/income statements and cashflow! Especially cashflow.

2. Data, models and decisions (statistics in a nutshell - Nope, nothing of interest here. Maybe if you're going into hardcore finance, it might be interesting... but really, if I were a manager and wanted to calculate some statistics, I would just get.. a statistician..

3. Economics - mmm.. on the fence here, leaning towards.. boring. Gives you a good perspective of how to look at things and tie them in. But in terms of value of it as an academic knowledge, not really. I do like it though, maybe it's because I've done it before and have always found it interesting.

4. Leadership - interesting in the beginning, interesting to learn how other people think. But beyond that, I don't think I'm going to become a CEO or be a good CEO just by attending this class.

5. Ethics - this has got to be the single biggest waste of time. It's such a fucking was of time, I have no idea how to describe it. If I had spent my time transcribing the movie, Titanic from english into chinese, I would have had more fun.

6. Managerial thinking - this was an interesting class. I think I actually did learn some fun stuff on how to think from this class. Worth attending, highly stressful because of the journals, but it was fun. It made me do things and think.


Second half

7. Organizational Behaviour - it's borderline, not terribly interesting. Wasted a whole fucking class talking about fucking gender discrimination. Wtf, such a fucking waste of my fucking time. How long are people going to be beating off to gender discrimination and such.

8. Managerial communications - learn how to write memos. I kid you not, a fucking class on how to write a fucking memo. What kind of idiot doesn't know how to write a memo. And memos differ from industry to industry anyway. And what's more, a fucking group presentation on the fucking memo proposal that you write. Fuck..


Why am I doing an MBA?


---

I'm falling, I need you
I hear you calling out my name
I'm going insane

I touch you, your body
It makes me feel like I'm in ecstacy
Oh can't you see...

I need you..
I'm falling...
I need you...

I need you..
Come save me..
I need you...

Inverse & Orbit1 feat. Sally - I need you (Ultravibes remix)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Pain

The real pain of poker, the only chronic, threatening pain, comes from the daily loss of livelihood—how a player views himself in the face of losing. Pain tolerance, then, is not measured in how well the player can take a bad beat or how long he can sit at a table without questioning what the fuck has happened. Rather, it is how the player handles an inevitable losing streak and the extent to which he will allow losing to affect his idea of himself. After a month straight of losses, a player can become convinced that losing is his role. Going broke becomes his thing to do, his inevitable outcome. The fog of losing, which feels like a seething, dirty steam in the veins, seeps into everything.

The High is Always the Pain and the Pain is Always the High - Jay Caspian Kang


It hurts, somewhere below your stomach and your gut. Like a punch in between knowing that you lost because maybe you misplayed, misread, or just... were stupid....

I will beat the pain, the pain will never be stronger than me...

Jakazid feat. DJ Nicky Cerberus - Find Me

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